Higher Learning

I went to an acting school a few weeks ago to speak with their admissions person about what classes I should take. They have an "acting intensive" program, which lasts two years and costs $10,000, but I felt that taking that whole thing would be backtracking (not to mention unnecessarily expensive--my entire college tuition was $10,000). We decided that I would audit a class and see how I felt about my skills versus what was being taught, and then reevaluate my situation.

Well, that class was on Monday, and today is Friday. My therapist would say that my subconscious didn't want to attend, and I "forgot" because it was easier than calling to cancel. Usually, when she says I did this sort of thing, I brush it off as psychoanalytical hooey, but I think she may be onto something this time--I really didn't want to go.

I'm not scared of attending a prestigious acting school, like I had originally thought. I'm not even worried about spending a few thousand dollars on higher education--graduate school is usually more than that. What I didn't like was the interview.

I will gladly and loudly admit that I don't know everything about acting, and that my craft could really use more honing (hence my interview in the first place). But, I'd given her my resume--my 9pt, full page resume, spanning 8 years--and she continued to tell me the importance of training and experience. But, I know. That's why I was there. I was seeking out further training to expand what I already knew.

It's no big surprise that I get very peeved when I'm told what I already know, and I very often feel conflicted whether it's warranted or not. Should I have smiled politely instead of interjecting with, "I used to teach acting," when she told me I'd need to learn about beats? Should I have not said, "I minored in Theatre," when she told me I'd always need to have my lines memorized? Should my heart have not beat wildly when she told me I had no training? Should I have simply brushed our interview aside as just a memorized marketing technique and understood that she probably talks to 10 different star-struck 18-year-olds a day?

Either way:

While I'm thankful that my subconscious saved me from a potentially boring Monday evening, I'm embarrassed I just didn't show up. I think it's been too long to send an email saying something like, "Sorry, dudes! Guess I just don't care enough!" On the other hand, I'm going to take this experience as a little nod from the gods that I need to follow my instincts and continue expanding my acting career via alternative theater and comedy. Thanks.